


Watch Me

by xenosaurus



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Backstory, Bisexual Character, Character Study, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 07:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11481879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenosaurus/pseuds/xenosaurus
Summary: Akira likes attention.  Or, at least, he used to.





	Watch Me

**Author's Note:**

> the "akira does gymnastics" headcanon comes from berukatxt on tumblr!

Akira is eight years old when the school playground gets a new seesaw. The old one had rusted to the point where the metal screeched whenever anyone used it, so nobody ever did.

The new one, though, is a work of art. The paint is bright red and has a lovely sheen to it. The kids in his class treat its unveiling like a holiday, meeting up to hide behind the fence and watch the workers install it. It's a small, mundane event in a small, mundane town that Akira will remember his whole life.

They organize a rock paper scissors tournament to decide who gets to play on it first. The winner is Ikuro Fujiro, a boy with an unfortunate haircut and the confidence to be popular in spite of it.

He picks Akira to sit on the other side. It's a show of both loyalty and betrayal, because he's choosing Akira over their mutual friend Fuyuki Enomoto. It's the sort of playground drama that the girls will whisper about for days, but ultimately means nothing. A child's world is impossibly more intense for its simplicity.

A week into the reign of the seesaw, Akira changes the rules.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" He announces, in poorly pronounced English. He doesn't actually understand what the words mean, but he saw someone say it in an episode of Yugioh.

Ikuro laughs, loud and open, and even Fuyuki can't hold back a smile. He's been cold to Akira for most of the week, but things are improving.

A few of the girls take an interest in whatever today's antic is, walking over. Akira bows to them, making Kayoko Tanaka giggle. Akira grins. He thinks Kayoko is probably the cutest girl in their class, even though she's missing both of her front teeth right now and the other girls tease her about it. He really likes her pokemon hairclips.

"Today, I'm going to deny death!" Akira announces, with an odd flourish of his hands. "Ikkun?"

Ikuro joins him at the seesaw, holding it with both hands near the middle. Fuyuki is watching, a hint of a frown on his face.

Akira climbs up on top of the seesaw's fulcrum, wobbling as Ikuro's small child arms fail to fully hold it steady. He places his feet with extreme care to gain his balance, then nods to his friend to let go. He beams out at his small crowd, then shifts his weight to one side. The seesaw tilts and thuds as the left side hits the ground.

One of the girls squeals. Akira looks up, realizes it was Kayoko, and immediately loses his balance.

He needs two stitches and the teachers ban standing on the seesaw.

*

Akira starts gymnastics when he's 12. Kayoko, having transitioned from "weird middle school kind-of girlfriend" to "close friend" after they decided trying to kiss was too gross, is the one who gets him into it.

"It's like, totally the sort of thing you'd like, Akira-kun!" She chirps for the fourth time in a week, drawing pikachu doing some kind of ribbon routine on her worksheet. They're supposed to be checking each other's math, but they aren't.

"Ikkun, that's not even a number!" Fuyuki complains from the desk behind them. Akira snorts and turns around to see that Ikuro has started drawing beetles marching across his barely-started homework.

"You got the horns wrong," Akira says, laughing and ducking when Ikuro throws his eraser at him. He turns his attention easily back to Kayoko while the boys continue squabbling.

"Yeah, okay, I'll give it a try."

*

Akira's balance is much better the next time he tries to stand on the middle of the seesaw. He's also 15, and much taller, which probably helps. The seesaw itself has lost some of its shine, scratched up now but still newer than anything else on the playground.

Kayoko watches him while he does his tricks, laughing about the time he nearly got himself killed doing this. She makes jokes about not catching him if he falls, but that's alright.

He isn't going to fall.

*

When he's 16, Akira falls.

Nobody catches him.

When he gets arrested, news zips through the school like an electric shock. It's all anyone is talking about, and the story grows and mutates even before Shido has a chance to get his hands on it. His parents don't believe him.

And neither do his friends.

Kayoko is a nice girl, too good to stay friends with a delinquent. She responds to his texts for a few days after it happens, but her responses get thinner and shorter until they peter out altogether. He sees her on the train a week before his parents send him away to live with a stranger, and she avoids eye contact.

Fuyuki blocks his number within a day of the arrest.

Ikuro asks him if this was one more cry for attention, and when Akira doesn't have an answer, he stops talking to him entirely.

On the day he leaves, nobody sees him off at the train station.

*

At his new school, Akira doesn't stand on seesaws. He doesn't laugh at notes passed during lectures. He doesn't quote grandstanding characters from anime. He doesn't wink at anyone, or make jokes, or draw weird visual puns on the chalkboard during lunch.

He doesn't want the attention anymore. He poisoned it with good intentions and all it does now is sting.

*

And then it doesn't.

He's laying in the grass with Ryuji, panting as sweat drips down his face and neck. He pushes his glasses up out of his face to wipe the sweat from his eyes.

"This was a bad idea," He says dryly, feeling his heart pumping violently. "Heart health is not worth the sheer misery of summer cardio."

"Aw, shut up," Ryuji says with a weak laugh. Akira turns his head to look at his friend.

It's pretty funny to him that Ryuji seems to be _so_ unpopular with girls, because, well. The flush to his face, the sweat at his temples, the way his chest rises and falls as he catches his breath? All those girls have seen him like this in gym. Akira can't imagine seeing this and not immediately losing all train of thought under a wave of _yes please_.

"I'm serious. I'm going to melt. You'll have to explain to the rest of the team why their leader is a puddle."

"Dude."

"Don't you 'dude' me, I'm dead. I'm dying and I'm dead."

Ryuji laughs harder at that, rolling over on his side.

"You're not a puddle, you're an asshole," He says, grinning. Akira would have had a retort, but his throat goes dry. God, he can't function when Ryuji looks like this.

They lay in silence for a while, catching their breath and just watching each other. It's too intense to feel properly platonic, but Akira's not really sure how to pin it down.

He hasn't been able to put boundaries around his affection for Ryuji since he met him. On the first day, he proved to have Akira's back more than people he'd known for years. More than his family.

Akira loves him for that. He loves him so much it spills out all over his life, filling in cracks and soothing hurts he'd thought were permanent. Ryuji believes him, trusts him, laughs along with every bit of the old Akira that bubbles up into Joker.

Ikuro was his best friend, once.

It was nothing like this.

"You know, my old elementary school is around here," Ryuji finally says, breaking the silence.

Akira looks at him for a long moment.

"Do they have a seesaw?"

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @[xenosaurus](http://xenosaurus.tumblr.com)!


End file.
